I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
