i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
