you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
