My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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