I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
