She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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