Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
