I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
