Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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