I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
