Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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