There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
