there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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