she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
