It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
