so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
