He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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