I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
