I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
