I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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