i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
