Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
