I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
