I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
