If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
