Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
