Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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