He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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