i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
