Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
