so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
