What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
