I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
