If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
