the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Found the puke drawer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
