Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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