the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
