i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
