Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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