my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
