tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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