im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
