you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
