I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sobbing to NWA
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
