its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize