Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
