I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
