Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
