I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
