can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BRING THE BAGELS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
