what day is it and did you see me today?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The uberlube is also flammable
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
