im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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