Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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